Holy Shit! I Have an Elephant!

It’s time to wake up!

What if you could control your emotions? Do you know that we are mostly zombies, controlled by the programming or our environment, schooling, parenting?

Did you know you have an elephant to train? I didn’t know that either until all of a sudden I did. And this is when I realized that there are two minds, the subconscious mind and the conscious mind. And guess which one is the biggest? That’s right, the subconscious mind is actually 95% of our minds. Only five percent of our mind is conscious. This basically means that we are 95% zombie, running on whatever program that has been engrained in us via our culture, our parents, our environment, our schools, our friends.

I got the elephant idea when I saw a picture of a boy riding an elephant and the boy was so much smaller than the elephant that the idea of the 95% and the 5% came into my mind. I had the thought that we had to train this elephant of ours. That we need to tell our subconscious what to do or else it — the elephant — is going to run us. When you realize that you have an elephant, you’ll also realize that your elephant has not been properly trained by you. You didn’t even know until this moment that you needed to train him.

So he’s a rogue elephant. For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic, you get angry. This always happens. And the elephant knows that that’s what you do. So now you have to train him. “No, we’re doing it differently. We’re going this way, we’re doing it differently now, we aren’t going to get upset this time,” and the elephant is going to say, “What? We always get upset!”

Your brain’s going to have fits. Do you notice your brain having fits when you try to change things? That’s your elephant. So we have to train our elephant, and we also have to love our elephant. We’ve got to love them, we have to not beat him/her, but we also have to tell them where to go and what to do. Otherwise, it’s going to run on the engrained program that it’s been running on up until this point.

I had a program that ran that said I need to be busy all the time, or else I was lazy. I created this stressed, crazy-busy existence. I used to tell people how busy I was all the time because I thought that being busy was the best, and it gave me significance and made me feel good. When you realize that you don’t have to think that way, you get to do it differently.

It’s important that we create the meaning that we want to serve us. I’ll illustrate this with a story.

Imagine I’m standing here with my favorite mug. It’s my favorite mug because my great-grandmother gave it to me before she died. And it’s a very special moment. You come over to visit me and by accident, you knock it over, and it crashes onto the floor and breaks into a million pieces. At that moment, I have a choice. I get to create meaning in that what you did was horrible, “What a terrible friend you are! I can’t believe you didn’t care enough to be careful about my grandmother’s mug!” Or you can say, “It’s OK, it’s just a mug, I know that my grandma loves me.”

Two completely different reactions for the same episode, and it all depends on what meaning you put to it. Let us be aware of what meaning we are putting on things because — change the meaning, change your response, change your life.

I got help on this from my mentor, Josh, one day. I felt unsafe, and I had been living in fear under extreme circumstances of running to Mexico, and trying to keep my kids safe. Josh looked at me one day and said, “You’re safe. You don’t need to live like you’re in danger anymore. You’re safe.”

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “But how do you know for sure?”

“You’re safe,” he said. “Safety is whatever you decide to be in the moment. Right now, you’re safe. Nothing is happening. So right now, you’re safe, so be safe. Live. Let the stress go. Change the meaning, change the dialogue that you’re not safe because it’s not true — you are, you’re safe. Look at you right here in front of me. Safe.”

A light bulb came on in my mind, and my whole body relaxed. And the nightmares quit.

I had been having nightmares every night for probably 10 years. With the realization revealed by Josh, my mentor, I was able to release that internal fear and things changed. My elephant was able to relax, and it didn’t need to be on the defense and the offensive all at the same time, all the time.

Change the meaning that you put to things. Change your life. Next time someone pulls you over in traffic, you don’t have to get angry because maybe the new meaning is, ‘Oh, he must not have seen me — I do that sometimes, too.’ And you don’t even go through even a blip of anger. It all depends on what we put meaning to, so let’s create meaning that serves us.

Step 1. There are two minds — the subconscious and conscious. The subconscious runs the show due to programming by society of all of us from childhood.

I am responsible! I learned about the 95% / 5% distribution and saw a pic of a boy riding an elephant and boom! I knew I had an elephant to train!

To start, remember to find yourself a quiet place where you can work undisturbed. Then breathe deeply for a few moments, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth in a series of drawn-out “ahhhhh” sounds, to help center yourself.

Now that you know about your elephant subconscious, there is a responsibility to train him/her. Ask yourself, ‘How has my untrained elephant affected me in the past?’ Write down anything that comes to mind.

Know that there are two minds. The conscious makes up 5%, the subconscious 95%. This completely threw me for a loop when I heard it for the first time. But then it became a blessing because it helped me have grace for myself and for others. We are all walking around mostly as zombies — no wonder there are some challenges we have to face!

Wake up. Don’t go back to sleep. You will be tempted to because sometimes it’s easier not to know. We can continue on as zombies and blame everyone and everything for what our elephant is doing. Don’t be like the masses. Be different. Take responsibility for your life, your elephant.

 I’d never go back now. I love my life, my elephant. We are much more in control, and we are gloriously happy. It’s important that you can see the elephant as separate from yourself, but you are still responsible to guide and love them in the way they should go. Take a minute to become acquainted with your elephant, your subconscious.

Step 2. The body gets accustomed to following the unconscious mind. Autopilot.

Realize you are on autopilot. You have been on autopilot for as many years as you have been alive. This really helped me understand some of my choices and behaviors over the years, realizing they kind of weren’t my conscious choices at all. I had an elephant, my unconscious mind, running the show — actually, it’s a society-induced program that was controlling me. Knowing what I know now, because I’ve trained my elephant in choice, the shift is tremendous. I am the leader much of the time now. I am a zombie much less frequently. It’s liberating. I am now the captain of my ship. Say it with me, “I am the captain of my ship!” Say it again and again until you mean it!

What we think and what we attach meaning to creates emotions and emotions are our life. Let us be aware of what meaning we are attaching to things, because when you change the meaning, you change your response. Change your life. It’s so important that we create the meaning that we want, that serves us. You could make the meaning that you have an elephant to train a bad thing, an annoying thing, or a pain in the ass thing. Or you could make the meaning that you have an elephant to train, an amazing opportunity to do things differently, to take control over your life, to be able to hold the reins for maybe the first time, the first shot at freedom. All depends on what meaning you attach to it.

Choose what you want to have meaning. Be careful what you attach meaning to. Be conscious and make sure you are attaching meaning that helps you, inspires you, that serves. You have a choice. You don’t have to be reactive (letting the elephant run wild) — you can choose what you put meaning to and therefore control how you feel about that something.

Tell yourself right now, out loud, “I have a choice!” You may think I’m crazy for having you do this, but there is ‘a method to my madness.’ Right now, I am helping you train your elephant. You are letting them know that there are choices and that you are going to be the one to choose in the future. So say again with conviction, “I have a choice! I am the captain of this ship!” Step 3. Make Your Choice.

Ask yourself, ‘What am I thinking?’ and ‘What am I attaching meaning to?’ Write down anything that comes to mind. For example, maybe you have assigned meaning that when he leaves the toilet seat up, it means he doesn’t’ love you. This can cause you to feel unloved at least five times a day. Just like I had created the meaning that I had to be busy or else I was lazy. Change the meaning, change your life.

Ask yourself, ‘Is it serving me?’ Yes or no. If it is, then keep it — if it isn’t, then change it. Boom. Telling myself constantly that I wasn’t safe was absolutely not serving me. It was making me feel terrible most of the time. Is what you are attaching meaning to, serving you?

Ask yourself, ‘What would serve me?’ Write down anything that comes to mind. Keep asking until you have a couple of examples. Pick the one that makes you feel the most happy or empowered. Your new meaning could be, in regards to the toilet seat, that, ‘He is so busy and committed to me and the family that he doesn’t remember to lower the seat.’ So now when you see the seat up, you smile because you think he’s busy loving you. Change the meaning, change your life. I made the change when I decided to believe that I was safe vs feeling unsafe most of the time. What is your new empowered meaning? The outcome of this step is to learn how to move from the subconscious to the conscious mind to make a choice that serves you.

If you follow these steps you will start to get in control of your emotions. You will learn that we have been running on autopilot most of our lives, but that we can make a choice; we don’t have to be controlled by the program. As in the story of discovering my elephant and realizing I needed to train it, we need to be aware of our programming, and then do some reprogramming. You will learn to be aware of what meaning we are putting on things because: Change the meaning, change your response, change your life. You will have the three steps to help you get control of your elephant:

•     There are two minds: subconscious and conscious.

•     The body gets used to following the subconscious mind: You’re on autopilot.

•     Make your choice on how you assign meaning.

The outcome of this is to know that we have two minds and that we have been controlled 95% of the time by our elephant, the subconscious. You need to wake up to the program, to the elephant, so that you have a choice in order to become aware of what you are assigning meaning to and the emotions that follow. You will have the skills on how to wake yourself up from the zombie state that you are in most of the time, long enough to make choices for yourself. Train your elephant! Take back your life!