Ride the Carousel of Life
Don’t run on three tires.
When your life is out of balance, it’s like trying to drive a car with only three tires.
Balance is a wonderful thing — so let’s do what we can to stay balanced.
I will never forget the day that I was introduced to the concept of the Wheel of Life coaching assessment tool. The Wheel of Life is based on the notion that there are specific categories or areas of focus that form the cornerstone of your overall life experience, working with basic human needs.
I have since created my own Wheel of Life, one that makes sense to me. It’s made up of the nine things that are important for us to pay attention to in life. When I filled out that pie chart and realized that I was running on bumpy tires, I knew it was time to get my shit together. I need to pay attention to these nine things — and thankfully there are only nine, not thirty. The one piece of the pie chart that really blew me away was the importance of balancing male and female energy. It doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is, there’s a male energy and a female energy in each individual and in each relationship.
This was not something I was taught. I’ve discovered that most people haven’t been taught this, either. The engrained, subconscious program that currently runs society is the overmasculation of the females and the emasculation of the males. So men are more feminine than their natural core would be, and women are more masculine than their natural core would be, and it’s messing things up. Without things in balance, there are consequences, there are backlashes. And this really became known to me when I was at Date With Destiny, an amazing course with Tony Robbins. At one point, he said, “I’m going to yell a word, and I want you to do whatever you feel led to do when you hear me say this word.”
There were 5,000 people in the room. Tony shouted, “Freedom!” And around 2,500 men, and me, stood up to yell, “Ahhhh!” I looked around and saw that I was the only female doing this. It made total sense to me. I sat down and thought, ‘Holy shit, this is why I haven’t had the relationship that I want! I’m the man in the relationship!” Remember, I was a tomboy, and proud of it, and I was proud not to need a man.
I can now see that I created this “I don’t need a man” thing, while at the same time actually wanting a man. I realized that this was something I had to really work on, even though everything in me resisted this. Everything in me said, ‘Hell, no, I don’t want to be a needy, weak woman!’ That was how I saw the women I grew up with. In that culture, they didn’t have a voice, they didn’t have a say. I saw them as needy and weak for not standing up for themselves. I didn’t have a lot of examples of badass women who tapped into their feminine energy.
I’ve since learned that it’s totally possible to be a badass and still be able to transition into your feminine. It’s back and forth. We have both energies in us. It’s just calling on the energy that we need at the time.
I’m still learning so much about it. In that moment of standing up and roaring with the men, I knew I had to do something, and I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.
Among my acquaintances was a beautiful badass and super feminine woman. We barely knew each other, but I decided to approach her. I said, “I see you as a badass, feminine goddess. Would you be willing to mentor me?” She looked at me sideways and said, “Yeah.”
I didn’t know how this was going to work because she lived in Texas. But my intuition said she was the one. ‘Ask her, do it now, don’t delay,’ I told myself. And so I did. The most beautiful, magical thing happened. She called me up about a month later and said, “I want to introduce you to a women’s group.” And I was like, “Hell no.” I had a strict rule: no more than one or two women at a time. No baby showers, no bridal showers — oh, God! I would drop off the gift and run. Too many women in one place — I just couldn’t handle it. “Trust me,” she said. I agreed because I knew I needed help. It has been a transformational experience. I am now surrounded by the most amazing badass feminine goddesses that I could ever imagine. They are teaching me how to be that way as well. So I am so thankful for this understanding of paying attention to the female and male energies.
Step 1. Learn the nine areas in life to focus on, and where you are in each category.
The aim of this step is to know that there are only nine things to focus on in life and put time and energy toward having an outstanding life.
Wheel of Life chart
Lay out your nine subjects. There are nine subjects to focus on that make up the Wheel of Life. There are many out there that you can find. The one I use here to illustrate is the one that I’ve created for myself.
In my experience, these are the nine things you have to pay attention to, to have an exceptional, extraordinary, amazing life. The nine subjects are:
• Physical Body/Health
• Emotions/Meaning
• Relationships
• Career/Mission
• Time
• Fun Stuff
• Finances
• Spiritual/Contribution
• Balance of Male and Female Energy
Make a copy or draw the Wheel of Life onto a piece of paper and fill in the categories just like the template, above.
Explain what each is, specifically. The first one to discuss is your health and how you feel in your body and about your body. How you feel you are doing physically.
The next one in the chart is your emotions. How do we feel about your day? How do you feel about your life? What are your emotions? Are you in control of them or not? Or do they control you?
The next slice on the chart is Relationships. How are your relationships? Do you have great relationships? Do you have constant trouble with relationships? What does that look like?
Time is next. How do you manage your time? Do you feel that you have no time or do you know that you are managing it well with schedules and with organization?
Next piece of the pie is your Work/Career/Mission. How do you feel about your work or your career or your mission? Are you doing what you love? Do you love what you do? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you doing well in your work?
Next is Fun Stuff. What are you doing for fun? Are you doing anything for fun or are you doing too much for fun and other things aren’t being taken care of? Then there are your finances. How are you doing financially, in comparison of where you are and where you want to be?
And how are you doing spiritually (this doesn’t necessarily mean church). This means your connection to Source. Your connection to the universe, your connection to God. How are you doing? Are you taking any action? Are you doing anything? And are you contributing? Are you contributing to the planet? Are you helping out?
The last but not least is the Balancing of the Male and Female energies.
Everyone has male energy and female energy. This is not taught in our mainstream culture. We have one energy at our core. I was more in my masculine. I had the masculine energy tapped in because of my upbringing and my story of trying to feel valued. I felt that women weren’t valued, and I definitely felt that I wasn’t valued. So I set out to prove that I could do whatever a guy could do, that I could do it better. That energy is masculine. Whether you’re a man or a female, that’s a masculine energy.
The female energy is more in flow. The male energy is solid and secure, like redwood trees; the female energy is like bamboo, moving and flowing and changing. It doesn’t matter if it’s two men or two woman or not. If it’s not polarized, you have a problem. Sometimes a person is more masculine, one’s more feminine. And that’s how you keep the attraction. Same with men and women in relationships. Even in yourself, both the male and female energy are there. You need both.
There is a time to flow. There is a time to let someone else lead. And then there is a time to be a warrior. So it is learning the art of going back and forth into those energies and calling on that energy when you need it. For example, “I need my warrior energy right now” or “No, now is not the time, I need to be in my flow.” That’s what I mean by the male/female energy for that piece of the pie.
Measure where you are in each category. I want you to be kind and honest to yourself, and ask the question, “Where am I on a scale of one to 10 in my physical body?” This means health. Draw a line. If it’s a seven, draw a line across at seven, if it’s an eight, draw an eight; if it’s a five, drop five, be honest and kind, what are you doing in your physical body?
This is just figuring out where we are on the map. And when we know where we are, we can know where we’re going. This is the beauty.
The next one is emotions. This means, “Are you in control of your emotions, or do your emotions control you?” How are you doing with your emotions, and how do you feel about your life in general? Are you happy? Are you sad? When you know the number, draw a line at the number and be kind and honest to yourself.
Draw a line across a number in the slice, and then you’re going to scribble down and shade in from the line down to zero.
Relationships. How are you doing in your relationships? This might be that you’re doing really well with your spouse, but also that you’re having a terrible time with your sister. In general, how are you doing with the main relationships in your life? Be kind and honest with yourself.
Time. How are you doing on time management? Do you or don’t you have time? If you say that you have all the time in the world, in that case score yourself at a 10. If you don’t really have time, it would be one or two. Wherever you are in between, are you managing your time? Are you organized, or are you not?
How do you feel about your work, your career or your mission in life? Do you like what you do? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you doing well? If you take all those things into consideration, where do you lie? Take all those into account. Ask the question, assign a number.
Finances. How are you doing financially in comparison to where you’ve been in comparison to where you’d like to be? Can you take care of your needs? Is it a struggle?
Where are you when it comes to fun stuff? Are you making intentions to have fun and to do things?
Spirituality and contribution. What are you doing to feed the spiritual side of yourself? Are you honoring that at all? Are you contributing to the planet? Are you contributing to another human being? How? Sometimes people don’t know that this is something they should focus on. How are you balancing your male and female energies? Are you aware? Are you calling the male energy when you need it? Are you calling the female energy when you need it? Is this something you need to work on?
How does your Wheel look? Is it big, full and round, or is it jagged and uneven? I don’t know anyone who’s done this the first time and come up with a balanced Wheel. You can’t measure what you don’t manage. That’s why this tool is amazing. It helps you see exactly where you are.
You can manage what you measure. Now you know that there are nine things to manage and we just measured them. So in a month or two from now, go back to this and ask these same questions on a new pie chart. Don’t look at the old ones. Once the new one is completed, compare them, and you will see progress, and progress equals happiness.
Step 2. What steps do you need to take to get from where you are to where you want to be?
Ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do to get from where I am, to where I want to be?’
Prepare a separate page for each piece of the Wheel. Then breathe deeply. Hold for five seconds, and then exhale through your mouth making the sound “ahh.” Now ask your higher self this question, “What do I need to do?” Or “Who do I need to be to get to a 10 or a 9.9?” I don’t believe there are tens, because there is always room for growth. Breathe. Wait for the answer. When you have it, write it down.
The purpose of this is to create habits and systems that keep you on track. Here’s what I do:
I drink a glass of water every morning, and then I crawl to my yoga mat and do the same yoga routine I’ve done for eight years — and it works. Then I take a walk, and I listen to my affirmations. I’m amazing. I’m doing the work. I’m kind, caring, and loving, and I’m a leader, and I’m magical, and I’m all these things. I have a whole recording that I’ve made that I listen to. I breathe, I do some breathing exercises — this is how I start my day.
Ask yourself several questions to gain focus as you go around the Wheel again:
• What do I have to research?
• What do I have to do?
• Who do I need to be?
• How do I need to feel?
• Who do I need to be?
• How often, with whom?
• Where do I want my finances to be?
• How do I want to feel at work?
• What kind of work environment do I want?
It all starts with you. We are all responsible for our own lives.
Ask these questions regarding your male and female sides:
• What do I need to do to boost my male energy?
• What do I need to do to boost my female energy?
• What course should I take?
• What sport should I take in order to get that out?
Both sides are needed, both are necessary. Both are magic. Flowing is magic; being firm and certain and strong is magic. They’re both needed.
Keep going around the Wheel. If you get stuck, move on and come back to it later. Remember you have a page for each pie. You can build on it and get clear on it.
When you ask a good question, you get a good answer. When you ask an outstanding question, you get an outstanding answer. And these are amazing questions.
What steps do I need to take? Here’s what you should do:
Put your Wheel in a prominent place where you can see it every day. So when you go about your day, you can ask yourself, ‘What can I do today toward this? And what can I do today toward that? And what could I do at the same time?’ Just keep asking yourself, ‘What steps do I take next, towards living a balanced life?’
The outcome of this step is to create a list of things to do or be to enhance and fill out your Wheel and therefore your life.
Step 3. Get Specific
Ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do?’ Go through your Wheel a third time and get even more specific by asking yourself for each slice of the pie this question, ‘What do I need to do?’ If the answer is already there, then move on to the next slice of the pie. This process is to make sure you have all the details in there.
Ask yourself, ‘Where do I need to go to complete X?’” Go through the Wheel again, and make sure you have asked and answered the question if appropriate, ‘Where do I need to go, to get X completed?’ For example, ‘Where will I be taking my yoga class?’ This process is to make sure you have the details in there.
‘How long will I do X?’ Go through the wheel again and make sure you have asked and answered the question for each slice of the pie. For example, ‘How long will I exercise every day?’ This process is to make sure you have the details in there.
Ask yourself, ‘With whom will I be doing X?’ Go through the Wheel again and make sure you have asked and answered the question for each slice of the pie, if appropriate. For example, ‘With whom am I going to exercise?’ This process is to make sure you have the details in there.
How much will it cost? Go through the Wheel again, and make sure you have asked and answered this question for each pie slice, if appropriate. For example, ‘How much will my yoga class cost?’ This process is to make sure you have the details in there.
When you follow these steps, you will discover that balance is a wonderful thing! That there are only nine things to focus on in life, and that by putting time and energy toward them creates an outstanding life. You will also learn how to get very specific as to how, what, where, and when you will do these changes, as I did in balancing my male and female energies. You will learn the steps to take and questions to ask yourself so that you can find balance and happiness, too. They are:
• Learn the nine areas in life to focus on, and Where are you at in each category,
• Ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do to get from where I am to where I want to be and why? What steps do I need to take?’
• Get specific as to how, what, where, when, and how you will do these changes.
This will allow you to know exactly where you are on the map of your life in regard to these nine areas. You will learn how to create a list of things to do or be, to enhance and fill out your Wheel, and therefore your life. The outcome is to train your mind to get specific on the change you want to see, so that your mind knows exactly what it wants. There are only nine things to focus on in life, and when you pay attention to them, your path is faster and smoother.
This will allow you to make the necessary adjustments to create the balance in your life you’ve always wanted! You will learn where you truly are on the Wheel of Life. This will allow you to make the necessary adjustments to create the balance in your life that you’ve always wanted! Four tires are better than three, any day!
Your action steps are to implement the steps above — and come back and let us know what your results are!