What Do I Want, Really?

Wait a second . . . . I actually have a choice? I can actually design my life?

What if you knew you had choices, too? What if you could accept that you don’t need to settle, that you are allowed to dream, and dream big — that by changing your psychology you can feel worthy to dream?

When I first moved to Mexico, I got a sales position at an amazing new resort. Peter, one of the managers there, was super intense. One day he came up to me and said, “You’re so frustrating!” I was shocked and didn’t understand. He continued, “You’re so frustrating. You’re like this beautiful flower bud that just needs to bloom.” I was speechless. I didn’t really understand what was happening.

Then he said, “You need to dream. Do you dream?” “What do you mean?” I asked.

He asked, “What is your favorite car?”

I screwed up my nose and said, “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.”

He barked, “OK, that’s your homework tonight. You need to think about what your favorite car is.”

So I went home and, I have to admit, I was a little pissed off. I didn’t understand about dreaming and about imagining as a child. My sister was amazing at imagining and playing house, and she created all kinds of stories. I had a really hard time imagining anything that wasn’t real and right in front of me. I put all kinds of limitations on what could be. And so when Peter asked me to do this, I was really lost. I asked myself, ‘OK, what car do I like?’ Then I thought for a while. ‘Well, the only cars I ever noticed on the road are Mini Coopers. So OK, cool. I can say I want a Mini Cooper.’ And so the next day I told Peter. He said, “OK, so now you’re on the road to getting a Mini Cooper.” I said, “I thought this was just an exercise.”

“No,” he said, “if you want one, why not have one?”

“Well, they’re too expensive,” I said. “They’re too fancy.”

He gave a look of bewilderment and frustration, “Amy, there’s nothing wrong with wanting something.” And the light kind of went on in my head. It was okay to dream. I didn’t have to settle for a piece of shit.

That was my background. You drive a piece of shit and you’re thankful for it, and you use hand-me-down clothes and shoes, and you’re thankful for it. We grew up as missionaries. People gave us used tea bags to make our tea with. We didn’t have a lot of money, but we always had what we needed.

I hadn’t been taught how to dream. So I actually got really excited. “OK, all right, why not? Let’s get a Mini Cooper!”

My manager, Pete, was such an amazing leader. He came up to me the next day, and said, “I got you a Mini Cooper.”

“What?”

He smiled, and he handed me a picture of a dinky car. He had brought me a picture of a blue dinky Mini Cooper. I did a little hop of glee.

“Put that on your vision board,” he said.

I asked, “What’s a vision board?”

“That’s a board that you put pictures on, of all the things that you’d like to be and have, and places you’d like to go. Then you know what you want, and you move towards it.”

This was one of the coolest things I’d ever heard of.

So, fast forward, and I ended up having to leave Mexico due to the economic crash and ended up in Missouri. In Missouri, I bought an older VW bug, a useful, practical car. One day, a friend from work offered to help me get the oil changed, and so he took it for me and got in an accident, and it got totaled. So I no longer had a car.

Later, as I was driving on the highway with a renter that the insurance company had given me, I looked up and saw a Mini Cooper dealership. I thought, ‘Hmm. Is this possible? Could it be possible? No, they’re too expensive. There’s no way.’ You have to understand that in Branson, I had the least money that I’ve ever had in my life. But you never know, so I thought, ‘Hey, why not see?’ So I go up there, and I meet with the sales agent. Long story short, with the $5,000 that I got from the insurance for the VW bug, I put that down as a down payment. And for $250 a month, I was able to drive out with a Mini Cooper, and it was — guess what color — a blue Mini Cooper with British flags on the mirrors!

It was the coolest-looking car I have ever had, ever dreamed of having, or even thought was possible to have. It was epic. Some members of my family weren’t very supportive of me thinking and dreaming so big. They’re like that. “You’re being materialistic,” was one such comment. I couldn’t have disagreed more, and so I said, “No, it’s not about that, it’s just that I’d like to have it. If I don’t get one, it’s OK.” And so there I was, driving down the road with this Mini Cooper smiling my face off. It was such a landmark moment in my life. That moment I started to really dream for the first time. Amazing!

I started believing that things could be different. Not that there was anything wrong with what was going on, but that life could be glorious, that it could be anything that you wanted.

I spent a lot of time on the first vision board that I created, cutting out pictures from magazines and printing photos. Some of the things on it were: Go to Africa on a safari, Hawaii, massage chair, take the kids on a Mediterranean cruise. There was a picture from up on the hill in Santorini looking down at a cruise ship. I remember that picture perfectly. It also had something that said, “See a need, fill a need,” which is obvious, but I just wanted to be able to see a need and be able to fill it, to have the money to say, “Oh, you need help, here you go,” and not have to go, “Can I afford it?”

I wanted to be able to help in a big way. When I prepared my first vision board, I was living very humbly. And, again, there was nothing wrong with that, but I understood that the things that I was putting down were huge stretches for me at the time. I’m proud, humbled, and excited to tell you that everything on that board I have accomplished. I have gone to Africa and done a safari there, and we did that Mediterranean cruise.

I have a similar picture from that same vantage point up on the hill in Santorini, down at a cruise ship. It made me so happy to stand there and take that picture. I’ve been able to help so many people, and I even have a massage chair. Vision boards work! Get specific on what you want, because it’s coming. It’s coming. Probably in the same shape and color as you put up on your board. When you think about the things that you love, get excited, and believe and feel the feelings of having that thing, or experience as if it has already happened!

1. Realize you don’t have to settle. It’s important to accept that you don’t need to settle, that you are allowed to dream — and dream big!

To start (and remember for each of the steps in this paper, find a place where you can be undisturbed, and practice deep breathing through your nose, exhaling on a long “ahh” sound, which will leave you centered and ready to concentrate),

Realize you have been settling. Ask yourself where this has been true for you. Write down anything that comes to mind. Ask this question over and over until you have at least a couple of examples. For me, I discovered through Peter and Alex that I had been settling for years. I had no idea until they pointed it out. It hadn’t even occurred to me to dream. Maybe you are in the same boat, or maybe you do fairly well. But it’s always good to take inventory and see if there is anything in your life where you are settling.

Ask yourself, ‘What do I have to believe in order to allow myself to settle in this way?’ Write down anything that comes to mind without judgment. In my case, I realized I had to believe that settling is better than being materialistic. I also believed that dreaming was asking too much of God, because I was not worthy. I feel the biggest driving force was that to dream meant to be materialistic, and being materialistic isn’t of God.

Ask yourself, ‘What are the consequences of these beliefs?’ Write down anything that comes to mind. In my case, the consequence of thinking that dreaming was materialistic, is that I didn’t dream. It wasn’t on my radar — which meant I didn’t use that part of my brain to imagine, to dream, to think outside of the little box I lived in. This meant I was living only part of a life. Had I continued to keep believing in that way, my life would have been very different than it is now. What are the consequences of these beliefs in the past, and possible consequences in the future, if you don’t change them?

The outcome of this step is to bring out into the open, and onto paper, where in your life you have been settling for less than you want or feel deserving of.

2. Know you have value and are allowed to dream big.

It’s important to change your psychology so that you can feel worthy to dream.

Realize you have work to do in this area of worth. I want you to say this to yourself, ‘I have some work to do in this area of worth, and of feeling deserving!’ Say it again: ‘I have some work to do in this area or worth, and of feeling deserving!’ Say it one more time, with conviction! The reason we do this is to wake ourselves up from the illusion we were currently living in. Awareness is the first step! We have to actually wake up to be able to make the change. Say it until you believe it. Like what I did with Peter’s help in making me realize I didn’t know how to dream. Just realizing you have something to fix is the first step.

Surround yourself with people who build you up and think big. Maybe you already have people who are doing that, but you just didn’t believe them. Now you know you need to make a change, and so maybe now you will hear their compliments and allow yourself to think and believe bigger. If you don’t have people in your life who are building you up and encouraging you to dream big, then find some. Write down any name that comes to mind. Then get on the phone and set up a time to meet with them. Take action. Don’t let another day go by without getting rid of the notion of settling!

Read books, and listen to podcasts from those who have accomplished what they set out to accomplish. I want you to order a book or two or listen to podcasts on this subject, so you can build your belief up. You need to build the belief that you are worthy, that it’s okay to dream, and that you can dream big! This can take some time. It did for me. But it also doesn’t need to take a long time if you consciously work on it and make conscious, intentional changes in your thinking.

3.  Know what you REALLY want.

I do this by sharing the story of my first vision board.

Here’s what you can do:

Get away to do your goals/dreams. Get into a great state of mind and play some amazing music. Find a quiet place to sit where there are no distractions. Move your body, and think of at least three things you are thankful for. You can also play some inspiring music. Then ask yourself what you want. Write down anything that comes to mind, and keep repeating the question until you have at least 10 things on your list. It’s important that you don’t filter your answers. I wanted a Mini Cooper and a massage chair, both things that were extravagant for me at the time. What do you want?

Ask yourself, ‘What do I really want? Who do I really want to be? How do I want to feel?’ Write down anything that comes to mind and keep repeating them until you have answers for all three questions. For me, I wanted to travel big with the boys to Africa, Hawaii, and do a Mediterranean cruise. I wanted to feel good about myself, wanted to be able to see a local, modest need, and fill it easily.

Ask yourself, ‘Why do I want it?’ Write down a long list! I usually give a page in my notebook for each item that I desire, and then under that I write all the whys. The longer the list the more important it is to you. If you can’t think of why you want it, then it’s possible that you don’t actually want it.

I wanted to travel the world with the boys to be able to show them how great this planet is, to know that people are people, we are all gloriously human with needs, wants, and desires even though we speak different languages and maybe look different. I wanted a Mini Cooper because I liked them and they make me smile everytime I see them. I wanted to “see a need, fill a need” because I love to help people, and I want to be able to help people easily if and when I feel led to help, instead of hoping, wishing I had the funds to do so.

When you follow these steps, you will learn that you actually have a choice, that you can actually design your own life. Realize that you don’t need to settle, that you are allowed to dream, and dream big! That by changing your psychology, you can feel worthy to dream, like I did in my story I shared about how Peter shook me up, and got me dreaming again. You will learn the steps on how to —

•      Realize you don’t have to settle,

•      Know you have value and are allowed to dream big,

•      Know what you REALLY want.

The outcome is to bring out into the open and on paper where in your life you have been settling for less than you want or feel deserving of. Unlike what we have been taught, we actually can choose what we want for our lives! You will know your value and what is possible if you want it, and you will have a very clear idea of what it is that you want to have, be, or experience! It’s time to design YOUR life!

Implement the steps above, and come back and let us know what your results are!