Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life

What if it’s all worth it? What if everything you’ve ever gone through is worth it?

In this section, I am going to share where exactly I was able to truly see and understand the phrase: Change your perspective, change your life.

Doing this will help to really know and feel the blessings and the people who have come as a result of your trial and get to the point of being willing to do it all again, if necessary. Learn how to embrace, share the energy of gratitude, and create a new reality. You will learn just how amazing hard situations can be, and the massive amounts of gifts that are wrapped up in each one when we train ourselves to look for them.

The beautiful thing about awareness is you get to change your perspective. And for years, I was a victim. I saw myself as a victim, even though to people looking at me, I seemed to have it all together. Then, thanks to mentorship and personal development, I saw that it wasn’t true. Tony Robbins teaches this, and it’s my favorite phrase, “Life is happening for me, not to me.”

Now I see this everywhere, because I’ve reprogrammed my mind and changed my perspective. I had such a glorious moment once with Brayden as we were driving home. I picked him up from a friend’s house, and he looked over at me and said, “Isn’t it so great that Joe was such an asshole?”

I look over at him. “Whaaaaat?” He said again, “Isn’t it so great that Joe was such an asshole?” Brayden didn’t call his dad “Dad” because he wasn’t a dad to him. Brayden was only 4½ years old when we left, but he remembers everything. It blows me away how much he remembers from his first years. This has been a blessing and a curse — a blessing because Brayden understood exactly why we left and had to stay away and stay safe. And a curse because I wish he didn’t remember all the pain and suffering that we went through. Brayden had learned over time and saw with his friends and with Pete what a good dad really was, and so he just called him Joe.

I asked him, “ What do you mean, specifically?”

“Well,” he said, “look at the life we have. We have this amazing life. And we wouldn’t have it if he wasn’t such an asshole.”

At that moment I squealed. I was so happy. And for my 17-year-old son to see life like that, to appreciate it instead of focusing on growing up without a dad, was a great blessing! Every father’s day, no father. Every Christmas, no father. Every game they went to, no father. So that was one of the best moments of my life, with Brayden and me counting our blessings that my former husband had been such an asshole.

The gifts that we’ve gotten from this experience are that we found our happy place. We became free — of the Mission, of being told what to do, of an abusive husband and father. I was free to raise my kids the way that I felt was right, without guilt and fear to motivate them. I had the freedom to dance. I learned to salsa dance when we moved to Mexico, and it is one of the brightest parts and highest joys of my life. I didn’t get to dance until I was 30 years old — but now I get to dance, and often!

There are so many gifts. I am fierce. I am strong. I raised two kids, and I did a phenomenal job. I had lots of help. But I did it. So many gifts. Because of Joe, I learned exactly how strong I am. My kids know without a shadow of a doubt. And they know their mama loves them. They know that their mom will do anything for them, period. And that is a gift.

So here’s the real test. The real test is — If I had to do it again, would I? If I had to go through all that trauma and abuse and fear and running, would I do it again? And the answer to that question is — yes! Absolutely yes, I would! I would, for the two glorious children that I have.

When you cross over from victim to victor, your life changes profoundly. The sky opens up. All things open up. You now have the energy to take on things that you never would have taken on. You don’t waste time talking about shit anymore. You just live.

I love that! I LOVE that I now have the tools not to be a victim. I love that my kids know how not to be a victim. It is a choice, and we don’t have to choose it.

Here are some suggestions on how you can learn from me:

Step 1 — Look back on any trauma and ask yourself, ‘What good has come from this?’

Also ask yourself, ‘Whom do I have relationships with because of this situation?’ What major lessons can you take away from this? Who have you helped, or who could you help since you have gone through this situation?

The importance of this step is to see all the good that has come from the bad situation!

I do this step by sharing Brayden’s and my conversation of all the great things that came as a result of Joe being an asshole.

First, ask yourself, ‘Who do you have relationships with because of that bad situation?’

We’ve all been through stuff. If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that everyone has a story. I encourage you to look at your life and find the hardest thing you’ve had to deal with. Once you have that in your mind, continue.

Ask yourself these questions and write about whoever comes to mind. I have a long, long list, as I moved to several countries and created a whole new life. As I think of all the faces of the friends I have now, I can’t even imagine my life without them. Who do you have relationships with now due to that tough situation?

Ask, ‘What major lessons can you take away from this?’ Write down anything and everything that you can think of.

The major lessons I took away from the biggest challenge of my life, in leaving and hiding from Joe, is that it’s worth it to push through the compulsive programming and fear. I also took away the lesson — one step at a time. What major lessons have you learned from your biggest challenge?

Ask yourself, ‘Who have you helped or who could you help since you have gone through that terrible situation?’ Write down anyone that comes to mind. Keep asking yourself until you have a nice list. Write down any little thing that you’ve been able to do to help other people because you went through your biggest challenge. It is always surprising what comes up.

We sometimes forget how our experiences can help others. I have had the blessing and privilege of helping many abused women get to safety with their children. Who have you helped or who could you help since you have gone through your bad situation?

Step 2 — Keep asking the questions until you can answer yes to this question: ‘If you had to do it over again, would you?’

I do this step by expressing how I can now say that I would do it all again if I had to, because of all the amazing things that I have received because of it.

Here’s what you do:

Ask yourself, ‘What good has come from this situation?’ Write down every little or big thing that has come directly from or that is indirectly due to your biggest challenge or pain. I have a long list that I’ve cultivated over the years, some of which are these:

•         My kids know I love them fiercely and that I’ll literally do anything for them to protect them.

•         I have a beautiful home in Mexico, my happy place, instead of freezing my ass off in Canada. (Sorry, Canadians!)

•         I have been able to help so many women find their strength and get them and their kids safe. I have a whole new community of friends that I love and adore.

•         I now know what it means and feels like to be free!

What good has come from your biggest challenge/pain in your life? Make a good, long, amazing list.

Ask yourself the question, ‘If you had to do it over again, would you?’ Write down your answer. Seeing it in black and white is quite impactful. I remember when I first realized that that was the truth for me. I was blown away. I knew I had healed from it. It felt so amazing! I had such a long list of blessings and gifts from the situation that I could actually look you in the eye and tell you, I’d do it again. What is your answer? If you had to do it all over again, would you?

If the answer is no, go back to the questions above, “What good has come from this situation?” Keep writing your list. Discover a list so full of blessings that it’s impossible not to be willing to do it again if you had to.

Step 3 — No more trauma — what’s left is gratitude.

I do this step by describing the change in me when you go from victim to gratitude. The sky opens and the world looks a lot brighter Here’s how you can do it:

Celebrate your gratitude!

Celebrate that you are no longer a victim, that you are a victor.

Realize that if you can do that with your biggest challenge, you can do that with anything from your past, and with anything that may come in your future!

Celebrate! Seriously — right now, get up and jump around, hoot and holler, this is a big freakin’ deal!

You have changed your perspective, which means you have now just changed your life! Put some fun dance music on and dance, celebrate! I’m serious — do it!! It will anchor this moment of change. It will help you feel the rockstar that you are!

Celebrate yourself! You are amazing!

Share this with someone else. It will give them ideas of how to look at things differently.

Now I want you to get on the phone or find someone in your house to share your revelation! That you are actually thankful that the biggest challenge/pain happened for all the amazing things that have come because of it. Do it! Who cares if they think you are crazy?

This is worth celebrating, and it will also give them permission to look at their life and challenges differently. That could change their life! Woo-hoo! Share it! And share it some more. Call or tell at least three people.

Understand there is nothing you can’t create from a place of pure gratitude.

If you can turn your biggest challenge/pain into the biggest gift, there is nothing you can’t create. There is nothing you can’t go though. You are teflon, nothing will stick to you unless you forget your powers.

We will do that sometimes, but the more you practice this, the better you will get at seeing the blessings and the gifts, even in the really hard experiences. Right now, breathe and soak in the glory of you! Do it!

By following these steps, you will learn how to see, truly see, and understand the phrase — Change your perspective, change your life.

Implement these steps, and come back and let us know what your results are!