Understanding replaces Forgiveness in the mind of the master

What if you don't need to forgive. In this blog post, I will share with you the importance of understanding that people are mostly asleep in their awareness and don't understand what in the world they are doing. To recognize that we all do shitty things sometimes and to know you don't have to let things eat you alive. I will share the story of Lalo building my house and then stealing from me and how I came to the understanding that if I had the same upbringing and the same tools or lack thereof to work with, I might have done the same thing. How now I could see Lalo and look at him with compassion, and not the hurt and anger I held towards him before. Here are the three steps so that you can get free as well. 

1.  Understand that in that moment in time they did not understand

2.  Realize that in some way or another large or small you have probably done something similar or under the same pressure or circumstance you may have done the same thing

3.  Go on your merry way and don't lose any more sleep over it.

The outcome of this step is to look at things differently not from the victim's mindset but rather from the human perspective. To realize we are all human and we all do shitty things. The outcome is to learn how to release a charged emotion to neutral so that you can think and feel your way to the best outcome and how to skip right over forgiveness and straight to understanding. This understanding will help relationship issues you've had for years literally evaporate and disappear.

What if forgiveness isn't actually necessary? Yep, I know, a few brains just blew up. but bear with me for a minute. What if forgiveness isn't necessary, because you can replace it with understanding? There's a phrase, by an amazing person, his name is Matt Khan, and he taught me this phrase. I have written in my bathroom, on my whiteboard, and it says this "Understanding replaces forgiveness in the mind of the master". I repeat… Understanding replaces forgiveness in the mind of the master. 

What that means to me is, when you understand that whoever did some kind of injustice to you when you understand that they didn't understand, at that moment, they were probably being run by their elephant (Their 95% subconscious mind) And even though you think they should have remembered, that they should know how to behave in that moment, in whatever they did, they forgot. 

Or they didn't know. Just like sometimes you do. Sometimes you forget, and sometimes you're run by your elephant, by the program. An amazing example of this is in the process of building my house, the gentleman who helped me, his name was Lalo. He was like, in many ways, a father figure to me, because when I moved to Mexico, I didn't know anybody. 

I met him and his friend Paco at a coffee shop, they were older gentlemen, and they became my first friends. They invited the boys and I to BBQs, at their home, and with their friends. We even spent Christmas together and holidays together. They were really great friends.

Lalo was the one who offered to help me build my house. He was basically the contractor and the money flowed through his hands. He knew what was going on with the house and he paid the contractors and the workers. I offered him payment to do this job, but he refused. I kept offering and he kept refusing. He told me “I want to help you, I like helping you, let me help you.” So I gave in. It was a beautiful thing. 

Every couple of days, I would go to the property and see the progress and check on what was happening, and get excited and get motivated to know what I needed to earn the next week to be able to move on to the next step. And then things got a little weird and different with him and I couldn't really tell what was going on. And then all of a sudden, one day right before the house was finished, he disappeared without a trace. 

I didn't know what happened. I was worried about him. I thought maybe something happened. Long story short, I found out that he stole a whole bunch of money, probably $15,000 or more from me and disappeared. That broke my heart. The betrayal was massive. I just couldn't believe it. And yet, I could because surely things like this happen sometimes as I knew from experience. The ultimate betrayal was with Joe and my marriage. So I'd already been through it,  And knew I would survive it, but holy shit did it ever hurt.

It took me months to get over it. It hurt my heart for months. And then I learned this phrase. Understanding replaces forgiveness in the mind of the master. I was like, holy shit, he didn't know. He didn't remember. At that moment, in those moments of decision, he was being run by some kind of bullshit program.

I put myself in his shoes for a minute…. He was a dad, and his kids lived in Guadalajara, not with him. And of course, they had needs. His business wasn't always going well. I think what happened is he borrowed a little because he had all my money for the house, he borrowed a little, so that he could pay something, thinking that a new job would come and he would be able to pay me back and I wouldn't know the difference. 

And then, my guess, my intuition says that probably there were some more needs that came up, some unexpected needs, and business wasn't as good as he wanted it to be. And so now he owes me even more. My guess is that the debt got so big,  so impossible in his mind to be able to pay me back that he ran. He couldn't look me in the face. I know this because I ran into him at Costco and he literally saw me and ran. Like ran ran!

I've never seen a grown person look at me and run. I thought "Wow, the pain that he must be in from his behavior and his actions." And so as soon as you realize and understand that they didn't understand that they were being run by the program, just like I am run by the program, and just like I do shitty things sometimes. I’ve run from situations and problems before. I’ve hurt people without realizing it. What comes to mind is how much I hurt my second husband Pete. I was a wreck after 8 years of abuse with Joe. I was a hot mess. I had no business getting into another relationship, let alone get married.  But I wanted a loving husband, I wanted a dad for the boys. I didn’t understand what I now understand. I thought I was ok. I wasn't. So Now, when I look at this situation with Lalo, it doesn't even affect me anymore. Now. I just think" Poor him”. 

Poor him, if he would just reach out to me and talk to me, he would see that there's love here. It wasn't okay, what he did. But I also have an understanding. It's amazing how things that could have haunted you for years and injustices and things that have happened to you. They can literally vaporize by just having understanding, and you can skip right over forgiveness. You can skip right over it. You don't need to forgive something that was unintentional. In essence, if they're being run by the program, if they're basically a zombie. Just like we're zombies 95% of the time. We understand that they haven't realized they have an elephant to train. For example, imagine your two-year-old pulls your hair as two-year-olds do, or they bite you. You don't wait for the rest of your life for them to apologize to you. Because you understand that they are two. So if we can look at each other as subconscious two-year-olds, because, in essence, that's what's happening. Then we have understanding, we're like, oh, they're two. They don't know. They haven't been trained.

Make sense? It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing. So now I can literally walk up to Joe…up to Lalo and the many other people who have betrayed, hurt me or disappointed me, and I could face all of them perfectly fine with love. It's not because I'm special. It's because I've been given tools to help me handle life. This is why I'm so passionate to share it here with you all. Because understanding replaces forgiveness in the mind of the master. Let's have understanding. Let's seek understanding and find peace!

How you can learn from me…

Step 1. Understand that in that moment in time they did not understand

The importance of this step is to understand that people are mostly asleep in their awareness and don't understand what in the world they are doing.

I do this step by sharing the story of Lalo building my house and then stealing from me.

To Start…

A. Ask yourself "  If X person knew what X ( love, honesty, etc) truly was, would they have behaved that way?

For this step, it’s important that you get into a great state first. I want you to breathe, breathe deep into the lungs through your nose, hold for 5 seconds and exhale through your mouth making the sound “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.  Exhale for as long as you can to release any stale air. The Ahhhh sounds help release stress. I want you to take a minute to think of someone in your life that has hurt you in some way and you still have an issue with them, in that when you think about them, it brings up negative thoughts. Write that person’s name down. Now I want you to ask your higher self, If X person knew what X ( love, honesty, etc) truly was, would they have behaved in that way? For example, in my example, it would look like this. If Lalo knew what honesty, friendship and honor truly was, would he have behaved that way? The answer is “NO, he wouldn’t have. Because if he knew what honesty meant, he wouldn’t have been dishonest. If he knew what a real friendship was, he wouldn’t have stolen from and friend and disappeared. If he knew what honor was really, he wouldn’t have made the first choice to break his honor with me to begin with.  If he truly understood these things he would not have done it. If X person knew what X ( love, honesty, etc) truly was, would they have behaved in that way? Write down the answer. This will take 3-5 min.

B. Just because you think they should understand or remember doesn't mean that they actually do.

The next very important step is to override our human program that says that they should know better. That they should understand or remember the right thing to do, always.  Here’s the reality: they are human, sometimes they forget, sometimes they haven’t been taught, and sometimes their 95% subconscious mind is running the show. Take a minute to let that actually sink in. They are human and sometimes they do bonehead human things. Period.

C. Ask Yourself "I wonder what is going on with them, or what happened to them for them to be like this and to think this is ok? Have compassion.

For the next step, I want you to take a few more deep breaths! Breathe deep into the lungs through your nose, hold for 5 seconds and exhale through your mouth making the sound “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.  Exhale for as long as you can to release any stale air. The Ahhhh sounds help release stress.  Now ask yourself, “I wonder what is going on with them, or what happened to them for them to be like this and to think this is ok?” Have compassion, and attempt to walk a day or two in their shoes. Seek to understand. For me, I realized that what probably happened was Lalo ended up in a financial bind of some sort. He was helping me for free. I kept offering to pay, but he refused, and so no exchange had taken place.  He likely felt a bit entitled because he was helping me for free, and I think he thought he would be able to pay me back and I’d never be the wiser about it. I think this probably happened a few times until it got out of control and he could no longer pay me back without me knowing he had stolen.  His guilt was so huge he couldn’t look me in the eye and eventually he felt so bad he chose to walk away from our friendship altogether. It must have been very painful for him.   So ask yourself again “I wonder what is going on with them, or what happened to them for them to be like this and to think this is ok?” Write down anything that comes to mind without judgment. This will take 3-5 min.

The outcome of this step is to look at things differently from the victim's mindset but rather from the human perspective.
  

2. Realize that in some way or another large or small you have probably done something similar or under the same pressure or circumstance you may have done the same thing

The importance of this step is to recognize that we all do shitty things sometimes.

I do this step by sharing the story of how I processed Lalo's behavior in that maybe he had something serious come up in his family and he thought that he could borrow the money and get it back to me with no problem. He must have felt so shitty about himself that he had to run away as he didn't have the tools to face me. If I had the same upbringing and the same tools or lack thereof to work with I might have done the same thing.

Here’s what you do…

A. Ask yourself " When have I done something similar to someone else?"

For this next step I want you to first breathe, breath deep into your lungs through your nose, hold for 5 seconds and exhale through your mouth making the sound “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.  Exhale for as long as you can to release any stale air.  The Ahhhh sounds help release stress.  Now ask yourself, "When have I done something similar to someone else?" Breathe. Your subconscious is going to tell you how awesome you are possibly and won’t want to face this question, ask it again. "When have I done something similar to someone else?" In my case, I’ve run from situations and problems before. I’ve hurt people without realizing it. I hurt my second husband Pete. I was a wreck after 8 years of abuse with Joe. I had no business getting into another relationship, let alone get married.  But I wanted a loving husband, I wanted a dad for the boys. I didn’t understand what I now understand. I thought I was ok. I wasn’t.  Ask yourself again, "When have I done something similar to someone else?".  Write down your answers. This will take 3-5 min to complete.

B. Ask Yourself " Where else have I done something shitty to someone else?"

For the next step, I want you to ask the question again like this. "Where else have I done something shitty to someone else?" Why because you need to realize that you are just as human and the next human. We are programmed to think we are better than everyone else but shit is still shit no matter the size. So ask yourself again please, "Where else have I done something shitty to someone else?" Write down anything that comes to mind without judgment. I don’t want you to self-flog yourself, condemn, or guilt yourself. This exercise is simply to help you see how gloriously human you are, as well as the others that have hurt you. I treated my mother terribly as a kid. I disrespected her probably on a daily basis. It makes my heart hurt to think about it, and it’s the truth. Thankfully we have repaired our relationship, but wow, has she had some “understanding, that I didn’t understand how to treat her properly.” So where else have you done something shitty to someone else?" This will take 3-5 min.

C. Ask Yourself " Was I setting out to hurt them, or was I really just looking out for myself with no regard to whom it hurt?"

For this third step, I want you to breathe deep into your lungs through your nose, hold for 5 seconds and exhale through your mouth making the sound “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”.  Now ask your higher self the question, “ Was I setting out to hurt them, or was I really just looking out for myself with no regard to whom it hurt?" Write down your answer. Usually, the answer is no, but sometimes the answer is yes, yes I did want to hurt them. If the answer was yes then ask this follow-up question. “If I had understood at the time, how to heal my own pain, would I have still wanted to hurt someone else?”  Probably not.  

The outcome of this step is to realize we are all human and we all do shitty things.

3.  Go on your merry way and don't lose any more sleep over it

The importance of this step is that you don't have to let things eat you alive.

I do this step by sharing how now I could see Lalo and look at him with compassion, and not the hurt and anger I held towards him as before.

Here’s what you want to do…

A. Understand that they didn't understand

Write this down.  Write this down, Hurt People Hurt People. Period. Including the times you hurt others. Hurt people hurt people. This step is to understand what they didn’t understand. In that moment in time, they temporarily forgot they are a being of love and light. They let their hurt rule them. Say with me now, “I now understand that they didn’t understand” Again. “I now understand that they didn’t understand” Again with more conviction “ I now understand that they didn’t understand!” Now write it down. This will take 1-2 min to complete.

B. Understand you are just like them sometimes

This next step is to anchor in the fact that you as well are just like the people who have hurt you in some form sometimes. In that you didn’t understand, you forgot you are a bright being of light and love. So repeat after me, “I now understand that there are times that I don’t understand, and forget who I am.”  Again. “I now understand that there are times that I don’t understand, and forget who I am.” Again with conviction. “I now understand that there are times that I don’t understand, and forget who I am.”  Write it down. I am, you are, gloriously human. This will take 2-3 min to complete.

C. Poof, the problem goes away. Emotions lose their charge

Now when you think of that person and situation, how do you feel? Are you neutral? Can you shrug your shoulders, and say “oh well”.  If not I encourage you to go back up to the beginning and go through the process again. If you still aren’t at neutral after a second run-through, then you might have some trauma stuck in your body that you need to get help to remove. This can happen and it’s not at a conscious level, it’s at a subconscious level. It’s ok if this is the case. I have been helped many times by people who understand and work with energy. Which is why I am now an energy worker as well. I know and have experienced the tremendous healing that takes place and am happy to pass it on and help others. If you are at neutral about the situation, let a big smile cross your lips! This is worth celebrating! It’s not every day that a huge grudge is lifted and you experience freedom from it!! Enjoy.  

The outcome of this step is to learn how to release a charged emotion to neutral so that you can think and feel your way to the best outcome.

When you follow and implement these steps you will realize that you don't need to forgive. You will understand that people are mostly asleep in their awareness and don't understand what in the world they are doing. You will recognize that we all do shitty things sometimes and will know you don't have to let things eat you alive. I will share the story of Lalo building my house and then stealing from me and how I came to the understanding that if I had the same upbringing and the same tools or lack thereof to work with, I might have done the same thing. How now I could see Lalo and look at him with compassion, and not the hurt and anger I held towards him before. Here are the three steps so that you can get free as well.  

• 1.  Understand that in that moment in time they did not understand, 

• 2.  Realize that in some way or another large or small you have probably done something similar or under the same pressure or circumstance you may have done the same thing, 

• 3.  Go on your merry way and don't lose any more sleep over it.   

The outcome of this step is to look at things differently not from the victim's mindset but rather from the human perspective. To realize we are all human and we all do shitty things. The outcome is to learn how to release a charged emotion to neutral so that you can think and feel your way to the best outcome and how to skip right over forgiveness and straight to understanding. This understanding will help relationship issues you've had for years literally evaporate and disappear.

Your Action Steps:  Are to implement the steps above, and come back and let us know what your results are!

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